What should I do?

Ok, so today I am just asking you to go with me... I don't quite know where I am going with this post.

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I am starting to feel less guilty about not being at work while I work on my health. This was tough as I am so used to being on the go and looking after others. There are a few issues which are also starting to come to light through my therapy sessions in relation to my work and life balance.

This time off is making me think about my career and what I want to do with my life. At 28, I am not old but most people I know seem to have it altogether and know that what they're doing is exactly the right thing. However, here I am questioning the only job I've ever known. 

At 7 years of teaching I could talk you senseless about my job. I know there has been many time when, after talking about work, do I notice the glazed look in people's eyes after going on too much. I love the feeling of enabling children to be learners and to discover the world around them. As a teacher I provide them with the tools and information to make it in the world. Also, for some, I am their only role model and that is something which carries a great weight. Just being able to help and nurture makes me happy.

Why the problem? Well, regardless of what the press states, we teachers do not start work at 9 and leave at 3.30. I clock up 8-6.30 days, then I work till 11pm. On the weekend I will work most a Sunday afternoon until late. Then factor in the busy weeks, the after school clubs, the extra responsibilities I have in school, the fact I don't get lunch breaks some days and the days in our holidays spent in school or doing school work. Now I am not getting into a 'teacher's have it bad' discussion, I am just trying to explain that our jobs are not as clear cut as some people would have you think.

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Due to the workload I feel like I struggle to get that work/life balance. I want a family and to be a good mother. I don't want to be the mother who can't spend time with her kids because she's too busy. I know this is an ideal world these days but it's something to aim for. The numbers and figures and accountability of teachers leaves me discouraged. I want to teach the children not have to spend most my spare time crunching data and ticking boxes.

So what else is there for me to do? Is there anything? Or is this self doubt about my own ability just thanks to the evil that is depression. I really don't know and if you've stuck reading this so far - well done. As I started, I don't really have much of a clue where I am going. I am highly anxious about returning to the school environment and if I'm being honest I don't want to. But when I state this out loud I just see my class in my mind and wish I could be standing in front of them, teaching a fabulous lesson. 

360 Degrees I would say [Source]

So, after an afternoon looking at a range of other jobs in the education sector I am at a loss. I don't know what I want - except chocolate. Chocolate is always what I want. But life? Career? Location? I am really not sure. All I do know is that I am definitely making the most of this time thinking about what I truly want from life and how I can achieve that.

Now I am off to watch The Office and wish I could work there. What do you mean - is not a real life documentary?

Have you ever had a big career change for the best? How did you decide?

Teaching Fashion...

I have been back to school for nearly 4 weeks and I also work hard to try and look my best. A favourite song quote of mine is:

" No challenge should be faced without a little charm and a lot of style."
The Bluetones

So for that reason I always try and dress my best. If you look good you feel good. I decided I would link up with Nicole at Bloom and share a couple of my work outfits!

Do you have a favourite work outfit?

Back to school ... back to madness.

I have been back to school now for 3 days (2 with kids). It has been, dare I say it, fun! I was extremely apprehensive about the return after the year I had last year. But I have realised that I can still teach and teach well. My class are settling well and the child who was a big problem last year has responded well and so I can only hope that continues.

My favourite moment so far has been when one child said to me:

"Miss... I actually like this class It's really good."

I could see the look of happiness and excitement on his face and I knew the classroom environment was perfect at that moment.

Classroom organisation ... most important aspect of back to school [Source]

My headteacher visited the classrooms on the first day and after speaking to the children about their work ethics for the year told them:

"You are very lucky to have Missy, if you've spoke to other children who've had her you'll know how much they enjoyed her class. You have to look after Missy too, she's very special."

This was so lovely to hear and made me feel happy. I felt like I was supported and valued by my head teacher. It was an inspiring thought.

Why thank you! [Source]

As good as the week is going, it's not to say I am not feeling tired. I can feel my body wearing down and the tiredness when waking in the morning. I am getting up on time and dressing nicely to feel better but I can already feel the slipping. I am doing all the right things though, I have meal plans and I am making lunches the day before. I am also having very early nights - for me anyway - and resting my body as much as possible. Delegating tasks? Well, we'll take it one step at a time I think.



What gets you through a long week?

“Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.” - Benjamin Franklin

Today's post is all about education. Why? I have only just completed my first day back at school. The stage is set for 30 new minds to enter my classroom and be ready to learn all new and wonderful things. I may be a bit MIA this week but it will just be while I settle into my new routine again. 

Wish me luck!

 

 All images are from my Pinterest : Check it out by clicking here!

My blog...

I was discussing blogging with Miss Rebecca [Forever after Undecided] and topic of conversation turned to who reads our blog. I have always blogged anonymously and began to wonder why I do that. I love to blog and it helps me in so many ways but if that's the case, why do I keep this part of my life so hidden from people?

Job
In the career which I am in I have always aimed for and made sure to stay as professional as much as possible. Anything which I choose to share in public is exactly that - things I choose to share. As a teacher, I must make sure at all times to keep a professional attitude. This is not to say I am not myself, because I more 'me' than most other teachers I know which I think is one of the reason I am a favourite teacher. But in the same breath, certain aspects of my personal life are things which should stay personal. My boy dramas, health and views on life are all mine but I don't want them to be so accessible for all to see. 

The kiddies don't need to know about 'real me' ... [Source]

Honesty
It may come as a surprise to you who read my blog and have done so for the past couple of years that I actually find it very difficult to be open and honest with others face to face. I do not like to show sadness and feel like it weakens me. But here I can say my feelings and thoughts without someone scrutinising my face to see the flecks of fear or sadness or worry showing themselves. I admit this is a bit of an issue but its always been something which I have faced. Sharing my inner thoughts and feelings can be such an anxious process for me and something which I tend to shy away from wherever possible. It's reasons like this which has caused me to put up such walls. Again, I choose  what to tell people and as chatty as I am, if people care to look deep enough they will see I don't give much away at all. 

Friendship
Blogging has opened me up to a whole new world of friendships. Some people I have met through blogging are people I know read and share my life with me and a special blogger has turned into a forever friendship. I am not sure how much this would have been the case had I focused on my already friends. 

One day I may share but for the time being I like being able to have a special safe place where I know I can share my life and feelings and not have to worry about being judged. If there's one thing which I have learnt in my time of blogging it is that everyone is ready to support.

Ain't that the truth... [Source]

Who do you share your blog with?


Just a quick reminder to head over to yesterday's post for a 10% Kohl's discount code:

Click here!

And then I froze...

Today was an eventful one. After a day in bed ill yesterday, I finally dragged myself out of bed and into school this morning. Like the good teacher I am, I knew I had a hockey tournament to take a group of kids too and I could not disappoint them. So I layered up for my afternoon of outdoor sports.

Little did I know, but my layers were nowhere near enough. We arrived at the venue only to be told there was no indoor area for the kids to eat their lunch. This meant that we had to sit on the astro turf pitch, in the cold and eat there. Kids being kids, they all loved it but me - not so much. Not only could I not eat (and hadn't for the past day and a half due to illness) but I also had to scramble to find lunch for the child who left his on the bus. Obviously these days, "Have you got everything?" means don't check and leave food on bus which is going to leave and not come back. How did I not know this?

We spent 3 and a half hours outside playing in consistent cycles of snow/no snow and freezing temperatures. Again, the kids loved it but standing sidelines for that long was difficult when nursing an illness when I should really have been tucked up in bed. The best news came when we were awarded 3rd place - this made all the cold worth it! 

I was this cold... no exaggeration... seriously... ahem. [Source]

As teachers go, I am a pretty dedicated one don't you think?

What was your favourite sports at school?

Work/life balance...

I have now been back to teaching for 3 glorious weeks...and it feels like I've been working non-stop for 3 months. My summer was exactly what I needed, an adventure of a life time. I began to find beauty in life and what was around me again. Something which I had began to lose throughout the year. However, all that energy and positivity is seeming to flow away from me.

Why? Well life is kinda getting in the way. If any of you bloggers are or know teachers then this will not come as a surprise. My working days have been averaging 17 hours. Yep, you read that right, 17! I have been up till 1am most mornings and back in work for 8. For the beginning of the term, the workload has been increasingly intense. I have stepped back a few times to look at the big picture thinking there must be something which could be done differently, more efficient perhaps but I keep drawing a blank.

My daily teaching life consists of teaching (28 children) all day, marking the books from the lessons taught in that day and then preparing a range of resources. On top of that I have a mountain of paperwork and two subjects to co-ordinate. The work itself is not too difficult, I just don't have enough time in the day for it all! 

I have also found myself in charge of a year group, which I am excited about, however I am working with a newly qualified teacher who is not seeming to be too great. This means that my workload is doubling as I have been needing to take on some of his planning as well as running the year group. 

With that in mind, I have found my 'life' side of the scales drastically becoming lighter and lighter! And when I do have the free time I find my body is just so tired. I am hoping that this is just the beginning of a new term madness and that things will settle.

At this moment in time, something needs to give somewhere because surely this is not the life to live?

"Have regular hours for work and play; make each day both useful and pleasant, and prove that you understand the worth of time by employing it well. Then youth will be delightful, old age will bring few regrets, and life become a beautiful success."

                                                                                                      

 Louisa May Alcott 'Little Women'

Any advice from you fabulous bloggers of how best to manage my commitments to work but still have a life are definitely welcome!

Take a break...

Today has been a long day and I left school on a bit of a low. I was observed today which went well and my kids did me proud. I took a risk and decided to do a lesson based on Drama which is not your usual go to topic when being watched but I feel I have enough control on the kids to do it and they were fine. I know there were a few parts which if I were to do again I would tweak but overall fine. You may be wondering why I felt so down? Well it seemed to be a day where I felt a bit wore down by lots of little things which inevitably mounted to a massive feeling of stress.

This lesson made me feel extremely nervous beforehand. I teach everyday and have been observed on many occasions but today just seems to have got to me more than usual. My school at the moment is feeling slightly negative and I think the stresses of everyday routine their is starting to get to me. As much as I love my job I feel like it is starting to make me miserable. The whole aura in the school just feels very off.

I brought work home tonight and by the time I'd been home for 5 minutes and had a catch up with Miss Faux Fur I decided I needed to have a night off. When you feel yourself on a bit of a downward spiral, it is really hard to take a moment and say... I need a break but I did tonight. I've ate my tea at a normal hour, had a nap and I am planning an earlier night than usual. Hopefully this can help pull me back from feeling so miserable and stressed. Teaching- I love it but sometimes it just knows how to kick me when I'm down!

I am going to leave you with a little snippet from one of my little ones today;

"Miss, I feel taller when I stand up on my feet."

Child genius or what?!

Waiting...

I was in the middle of a lesson today, and as usual, my kids were being random. One decided to tell me he was going to a disco tonight and last time he went he waited two hours to get his face painted white, with Man U wrote in gold across his forehead. I then asked him 'Was it worth it?'...expecting him, as a child, to be extremely enthusiastic about it and he replied no.

First off I was impressed that this child had waited two whole hours to get it done (which in kid speak is like 30 minutes if that) and secondly that he actually didn't think it was worth it. If you have ever worked with kids, you will know that they pretty much find everything exciting...particularly face painting.

It worried me, as, as an adult there are not many things which we would wait around for. But we're adults you know...we have lost that naivety and excitement which children have. Had he grown into a mini adult? Had he finally realised that not many things are worth waiting 2 hours for (except something like a McDonald's the day after the night before)? Or maybe the face paint was just crap...which is probably the most obvious answer. But, as I sat and watched him still laugh about it, I got to thinking how old will he be when he finally becomes a little adult and he sees the world in such a different way. I suppose as adults our views of the world are constantly changing and we pretty much understand how and why things may change. I've forgotten what it was like when I was a kid. When everything you saw was funny, you liked anything, you had no fear and things on the news were not things you fully understood.

I like seeing my kids like that, they are still kids and still have that love for life. They are happy nearly all the time and if not it doesn't take them long to come around again. It makes me feel extremely privileged to be able to do the job I do and educate these children about life and hopefully help them become ready for the challenges and changes that lie ahead.

ABC's....not the only thing I teach at school....