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I am starting to feel less guilty about not being at work while I work on my health. This was tough as I am so used to being on the go and looking after others. There are a few issues which are also starting to come to light through my therapy sessions in relation to my work and life balance.
This time off is making me think about my career and what I want to do with my life. At 28, I am not old but most people I know seem to have it altogether and know that what they're doing is exactly the right thing. However, here I am questioning the only job I've ever known.
At 7 years of teaching I could talk you senseless about my job. I know there has been many time when, after talking about work, do I notice the glazed look in people's eyes after going on too much. I love the feeling of enabling children to be learners and to discover the world around them. As a teacher I provide them with the tools and information to make it in the world. Also, for some, I am their only role model and that is something which carries a great weight. Just being able to help and nurture makes me happy.
Why the problem? Well, regardless of what the press states, we teachers do not start work at 9 and leave at 3.30. I clock up 8-6.30 days, then I work till 11pm. On the weekend I will work most a Sunday afternoon until late. Then factor in the busy weeks, the after school clubs, the extra responsibilities I have in school, the fact I don't get lunch breaks some days and the days in our holidays spent in school or doing school work. Now I am not getting into a 'teacher's have it bad' discussion, I am just trying to explain that our jobs are not as clear cut as some people would have you think.
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Due to the workload I feel like I struggle to get that work/life balance. I want a family and to be a good mother. I don't want to be the mother who can't spend time with her kids because she's too busy. I know this is an ideal world these days but it's something to aim for. The numbers and figures and accountability of teachers leaves me discouraged. I want to teach the children not have to spend most my spare time crunching data and ticking boxes.
So what else is there for me to do? Is there anything? Or is this self doubt about my own ability just thanks to the evil that is depression. I really don't know and if you've stuck reading this so far - well done. As I started, I don't really have much of a clue where I am going. I am highly anxious about returning to the school environment and if I'm being honest I don't want to. But when I state this out loud I just see my class in my mind and wish I could be standing in front of them, teaching a fabulous lesson.
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| 360 Degrees I would say [Source] |
So, after an afternoon looking at a range of other jobs in the education sector I am at a loss. I don't know what I want - except chocolate. Chocolate is always what I want. But life? Career? Location? I am really not sure. All I do know is that I am definitely making the most of this time thinking about what I truly want from life and how I can achieve that.
Now I am off to watch The Office and wish I could work there. What do you mean - is not a real life documentary?
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