Never throw anyone out.

I just wanted to share a quote with you all today. I haven't been the easiest to be around lately and I am thankful for those friends who have not thrown me out. I have a number of friends but feel that I can count 3 that have helped and supported me. Others have distanced themselves and readily accepted the distance which I have created. 

Feel happy with your friends and accept those who stick around during the rough times.

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Love ... Like Crazy.

I haven't exactly had it easy in the love life department lately. I have myself pushing friends away so having time for romance has not really been on the agenda. The one person who I had let myself trust however, made me realise that my fear of rejection was correct. That I need my walls because when I finally let them down, he vanished. 

He has since came back but I just find it difficult to deal with the 'just friends' tag. I said I was fine to myself but I am not. I realise now that I fell and fell hard. Where I go from here I do not know. I tried to push him away and annoy him so much I would not hear from him, which he always said would not happen. But it seems like I was pretty good as I have not heard in 3 days now. Maybe he's busy or maybe I was just successful.

Either way I am at a crossroads here and I am going to sit down. I don't like making decisions and I can not deal with emotionally draining situations right now.

Can I just bury my head and pretend he never existed? Pretty please?

 

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Sometimes you need to start working on a comeback plan.

Today I was inspired by Kym over at Travel Babbles - such a strong woman and she is dealing with so much and doing it so well. She spoke about having a comeback plan and it made me think about myself and how I should start thinking about a comeback.

As my therapist and I discuss, we change through our life and when you go through difficult times, we evolve even more so. This is something I have not taken to well. I dislike change. I don't like not feeling like I am my 'usual self'. But I am working on accepting that I can still 'be myself' but I will have certain parts of me change. 

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So how does a comeback come in here? I need one basically. I need to get sorted and try to get back on track. At the weekend I spent a night away with my best friend. We partied, laughed and had fun. It was definitely what I needed. I was a party girl and lately, partying has been the last thing on my mind. But it was good to get that side back for a little. 

I scrub up well some days.

By ways of working out, I am trying to get to my pole class twice a week. I like my sessions and I always feel like I have accomplished something. By sticking to them I think I will get my strength back, feel happier (endorphins are my friends) and obviously develop some kick ass skills.

My food shopping is something I need to get working on again. I have lately been finding my appetite gone, gone, gone. Eating healthy is really important and I do feel better for it. Now I'm back to work full time, I am making sure I have my salads for lunches. I have been rather naughty with take away food but I am giving myself a bit of leeway. Part of my comeback needs to start from within - eating healthy is the best way to start.

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Part of my comeback needs to be me accepting myself and through therapy sessions this is beginning. I honestly think that everyone should see a therapist, it is so nice to speak to someone about anything and everything and have no judgement. It allows me to have another view of myself and through talk, I can work through my thoughts. 

My comeback doesn't sound too difficult but for me it is a bit of a mountain. When I am experiencing down days I don't want to do anything. I just want to curl up and be alone. So the whole comeback kinda goes off the rails but all I can do is try and keep going. It will fall in to place eventually, I just have to show some patience (not my best feature).  

 

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Have you ever worked on a comeback or are you working on one right now?

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You are enough.

You are important, don't forget that. Caring for others is important but if you don't care for yourself, or praise yourself you will find things difficult. Earlier in the week I wrote about saying nice things to yourself. Today I want you to be kind to yourself and accept things can go wrong, change, be amazing then not so good. 

I made a decision out of my pure stubborn attitude a couple days ago and I knew this was not good for me. I felt like I had to prove something to myself, that I didn't need any anti-depression medication at all. But deep down I realised I wasn't doing this for me, I was doing it for those who say we shouldn't use medication, those who don't believe in depression being 'bad' and it turns out I was just hurting myself.

By the time last night night came I was out of it, I was shaking and dizzy and feeling downright awful. I sat and thought - What the hell am I doing this for? Why am I putting myself through this for others? I am important and this is certainly not helping me. So I decided to get back onto them and quite frankly screw anyone who thinks I shouldn't be taking them. If I want to stop I will do it the safe way and consult my doctor. 

You [Source]

We have nothing to prove to others, we need to prove things to ourself and do what is best for our health and life. I made a rash decision, it made me realise that I still have my fight in me but that I need to do it for me and no one else.

Have you ever made a rash decision and then realised you weren't doing it for you?

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What kind words have you said to yourself today?

I have been told, a number of times this last few months, that I am too hard on myself. When I was struggling and not understanding what was actually wrong with me, I was unbelievably rough on myself. On my bad days I would often tell myself, "Pull yourself together, what's wrong with you?" and then push to get on with the day. 

I am now learning to not be so hard on myself. I am a natural nurturer with others and I am often identified as the teacher who can deal with the troubled children and provide the emotional support. My calming nature is a positive side of me but I don't give the emotional support to myself. I have been told I set myself too high expectations and sometimes when I push on, I should just accept that I can't change my mood and let it be. This I am getting better with. 

I am and I can't change that. [Source]

I am having to start pushing back the negative thoughts and the blame I put on myself and start replacing them with positive thoughts. Easy? Not so much! I struggle to take a compliment some days. Yesterday I was positive towards myself and was encouraged by a positive day and the accomplishment of many things on my to do list. I was happy with this and thought I had done well.  Today, I got myself up and about and went into school. I was able to get some more of my to do list completed in school which was again, great stuff!

Everyone loves to hear nice things! [Source]

I stopped by to visit my Dad and spent the afternoon watching hockey and explaining the rules to my favourite sport. It was nice spending time with him and sharing one of my hobbies. It brightened his day and I know he was pleased to have some company. Since retiring his days are quieter and it's good for him to have company, especially with the loss of my brother just over a year ago. I can see he still has not dealt with the loss of his son. So having me visit this afternoon brightened his day a little. 

I want to say to 'me' today, I am making small steps, I am accepting the days when I am not quite 'me' and dealing with that. I am also adjusting to life back at work, it isn't easy but I am getting things done. So when I feel like I am not making progress I need to stop and think to myself: What kinds words can I say to myself today?

 So today I am asking you:

  

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