The time I went to therapy...

As readers of my blog, you will know that the past year and a half have not been the easiest for me. Due to circumstances in my life, I developed extremely high anxiety. I can't say I have always been the easiest going of people but I managed my moments fine. However, moments became more frequent and much more intense. It led to a time where I was in a constant state of high anxiety. At first I didn't identify this, I thought my health issues and sadness from the loss of my brother were what were making me feel 'off'. Anxiety is something which is always there for me, I have moments when it subsides and I have moments when it paralyses me and I can't do anything. It makes me feel like I can't do things and this then leads to stress, it is a vicious cycle.
I began to wonder if I had depression and even my doctor discussed the need for tablets which I said a definite no to. It was at that time when I began to think about the offer of therapy which she had discussed in previous sessions. I was beginning to realise I had an issue and that if I didn't deal with it I would end up in an even worse place to where I was at that moment in time.

You are what you think...
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So I waited for my appointment and finally got the date. My first appointment I was nervous, as you can imagine. It takes a lot to admit that you have a problem and need help. Asking for help is not something which I like to do, much to my detriment sometimes. My first impression of my therapist was so so. I wasn't sure what to expect but there was something there which I didn't feel comfortable with.

I left feeling relieved that I had made it to a session and felt like it could be of some help. What I didn't like was the number work, I had to rate how I felt in various situations in the past two weeks. Personally, I didn't feel like it was of any help due to the fact I was also dealing with health issues which affected my lifestyle. I also don't like attributing numbers to my feelings, they're feelings and emotions.

During visits after I began to lose trust and faith in the therapist. As I was going through Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, there was a big focus on my thought patterns. This meant that my therapist focused on worries and anxiety issues. But I did not like how I was expected to fill in forms and sheets. I explained I found this difficult and she continued to go over various different forms. She didn't listen to my thoughts and was so incredibly focused on the forms I felt she lost focus on me. I went in to one appointment and explained that I'd had a difficult week, she responded with, "Umm. So, let's have a look at this form.." It was then when I realised the match was not for me. Her focus on papers and numbers just didn't sit well with me.

CBT Chart

I made it through 4 sessions and realised that it wasn't for me. I decided to discharge myself and focus on finding my own therapist. Overall the process of therapy is something which I know will help me deal with my stress and anxiety but I think I need to shop around for the right therapist to help me. After all, part of my anxiety is actually making choices and decisions. I think my stress and anxiety is something which I am going to have to deal with for some time to come but if I can get a handle on it, I feel I will feel much more secure in myself.

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Have you been to therapy or dealt with severe anxiety? What helped you?