Who do you wish you were?

I was in touch with Miss Australia last weekend. I met her while travelling America and I also visited her out in Australia where we travelled and had a fabulous time together. As of late, we have both been suffering from issues and she has been moving about Australia. We finally managed to speak to one another on the phone since Christmas.

Miss Australia is one of the most positive people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and I am so honoured to call her not just my friend, my best friend. Miss Australia helped me start to discover a more spiritual and positive side to my personality. 

When I spoke to her she said, " You still sound exactly like the same Missy I know. Happy and positive. You taught me how to indulge myself and look after myself, that's something I won't ever forget." 

I was shocked to hear this because all I felt like saying was, " Noo!! It's not me, I'm not me anymore. I am an impostor and not happy." But I held back. Later I thought about it and realised that often, when people compliment me these days, I am so quick to shut it down. They are seeing me as I am and maybe they (and my therapist) are right. I am still here. I am making progress.

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My acceptance and understanding is so foggy right now that I can't see the person I want to be. Perhaps I am trying to be someone else so badly that I have lost control of my identity which other people still see. It's quite an interesting thought, and one which I will be bringing up with my therapist this weekend. What if I am just too far removed from myself now that I can't find myself when I am right here?

Do you think you get so down on yourself that others see something in you that you don't?

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