What should I do?

Ok, so today I am just asking you to go with me... I don't quite know where I am going with this post.

[Source]

I am starting to feel less guilty about not being at work while I work on my health. This was tough as I am so used to being on the go and looking after others. There are a few issues which are also starting to come to light through my therapy sessions in relation to my work and life balance.

This time off is making me think about my career and what I want to do with my life. At 28, I am not old but most people I know seem to have it altogether and know that what they're doing is exactly the right thing. However, here I am questioning the only job I've ever known. 

At 7 years of teaching I could talk you senseless about my job. I know there has been many time when, after talking about work, do I notice the glazed look in people's eyes after going on too much. I love the feeling of enabling children to be learners and to discover the world around them. As a teacher I provide them with the tools and information to make it in the world. Also, for some, I am their only role model and that is something which carries a great weight. Just being able to help and nurture makes me happy.

Why the problem? Well, regardless of what the press states, we teachers do not start work at 9 and leave at 3.30. I clock up 8-6.30 days, then I work till 11pm. On the weekend I will work most a Sunday afternoon until late. Then factor in the busy weeks, the after school clubs, the extra responsibilities I have in school, the fact I don't get lunch breaks some days and the days in our holidays spent in school or doing school work. Now I am not getting into a 'teacher's have it bad' discussion, I am just trying to explain that our jobs are not as clear cut as some people would have you think.

[Source]

Due to the workload I feel like I struggle to get that work/life balance. I want a family and to be a good mother. I don't want to be the mother who can't spend time with her kids because she's too busy. I know this is an ideal world these days but it's something to aim for. The numbers and figures and accountability of teachers leaves me discouraged. I want to teach the children not have to spend most my spare time crunching data and ticking boxes.

So what else is there for me to do? Is there anything? Or is this self doubt about my own ability just thanks to the evil that is depression. I really don't know and if you've stuck reading this so far - well done. As I started, I don't really have much of a clue where I am going. I am highly anxious about returning to the school environment and if I'm being honest I don't want to. But when I state this out loud I just see my class in my mind and wish I could be standing in front of them, teaching a fabulous lesson. 

360 Degrees I would say [Source]

So, after an afternoon looking at a range of other jobs in the education sector I am at a loss. I don't know what I want - except chocolate. Chocolate is always what I want. But life? Career? Location? I am really not sure. All I do know is that I am definitely making the most of this time thinking about what I truly want from life and how I can achieve that.

Now I am off to watch The Office and wish I could work there. What do you mean - is not a real life documentary?

Have you ever had a big career change for the best? How did you decide?

I was offered a job...

I was asked to stay at the school I'm at today. I've been there for 4 years come end of school year. It is a school where people don't leave they just have babies so every year they move things around to get me into a class full time and this year a few people have left and they asked me to stay. I had the mindset of, "If the headteacher wants me to stay she'll make sure I do." I was right- earlier in the week she said she would know if there was a place for me next year (it was still up in the air as budgets are being cut in schools but that's another story). I said that would be good and that I was still applying for  jobs just in case.When I told her this, her face dropped and she responded with, "But you do want to stay next year don't you? You will stay if I offer you a job because there will be something..." I then let her know that a maternity cover is not what I would accept and she started talking about permanent. Then today she asked me to stay for permanent.

Not only that but a few members of staff have requested to work with me. She is even touting putting me in a Year 6 SAT class where I would take the special needs while the deputy and other Y6 would take high and middle to get them improved for SAT's. Then after Literacy and Numeracy I'd have my own class. So it has been nice to feel wanted. Where I go I don't care, it's just nice to know I'm staying again. Plus, I have asked her to help get my professional development tailored to support application to International Schools next year in case I still want to do that.

On this note my Project: Do Me list needs to change:

Daily

1- Read 5 pages of a book.

2- Spend 15 minutes exercising to sort my knee out.

3- Get out of bed before 7am.

4- Drink a bottle of water at school.

Add: 5- Mark Literacy and Numeracy before leaving school.

 

Update: I have managed to do most everyday. I'm not working out the knee tonight though as I haven't literally stopped all day and it's sore from rushing around. I've been doing about half hour so it's going well. I have managed the book, every night before bed. I'm reading 'Girl With A Pearl Earring'.

Weekly
1.Have a Hydra Quench facial and nail night.
2.Watch a film.
3. Have one night at least off from doing work.
4. Apply for two jobs. I have one :-)

4. Sort clothing itinerary for New York trip next Saturday. (A specific one for this week)

This month (We'll make it till end of June since May is nearly over!) 
1.Plan sports day for my school.

 This Year
1. Be happy- that's all there is to want from life :-)

I'm having a night off tonight so I can be really lazy and have a loner night. I have been non stop all week and the idea of being alone, watching a film and lazing about sounds absolute bliss! I think it will be my nail night too! Hope you have all had a good week and have something nice planned for your Friday.

Here's a quote from one of my favourite idols- Audrey Hepburn- to sum up how I feel tonight:

* That's me dressed as her as Holly Golightly for a fancy dress party- I won the Oscar for being best dressed there. Audrey's style lives on.

You know you're a teacher when...

Even though teaching is my career, I feel it has slowly started to creep into my private life to the point of near whole control. Every now and again I reach this point and realise that actually it's not the be all and end all. Changes are starting to be made. It did make me think about what it means to be a teacher- as much as I try and push it out of my personal life I know there will always be a bond between the two. This inspired a list from me:

You know you're a teacher when..

1.You give 'the look' to a kid misbehaving in public and resist the urge to tell them you're disappointed with their behaviour.

2.You get excited by stationary and nice coloured files.

3.You need a pen and can only find red ones.

4.You have a variety of highlighters, felt tips, pens, pencils in your handbag.

5.Your hand bag contains lots of things you will never need in 'real life'. (In mine you will find plastic money and ELC money notes haha)

8. Asked to spell anything yo automatically responded phonetically.

9. You expect everyone in a group to look at you and listen when you talk. 

10.You will correct writing of those around you without thinking (Sorry Miss Faux Fur- I know you have been on the receiving end of this haha).

11.You can't go to a local supermarket without hearing, "Hi Miss!!"

12.You can eat your dinner, mark books and make a phone call ...all at once.

13.You say "Oh goodness/gosh/sugar..." when something bad happens. 

14.You have a list of names you will never call your own children because they are 'naughty names'.

15.You know at least 5 different ways to complete calculations without using a calculator.

16.You get excited about stickers as much as the kids.

17.You like to laminate everything.

18.You are able to ignore noise and pretend like there is nothing there.

19.You often think, "Ooo I wonder if the kids would like this," when out shopping. 

20. You can find a use for nearly anything.

I am sure there are a lot more and if you're a teacher and reading this, I would love to hear what you would add.

To finish this post I would like to share the work from one of my 8 year olds last week. It was a chracter profile for his own alternative traditional tale (the Gingerbread Girl ate the fox if you must know). Brilliant!

I wouldn't mind her in my gang :-)

When I grow up..

Today I was working with one of the groups in my class and a disagreement broke out. I went over to see what was the matter and was confronted with two very angry boys and one, who looked rather worried and upset, said:

“Miss.... D said that Superboys aren’t real but I reall am going to be one when I grow up!!”

With great power comes great responsibilty....

The other child then proceeded to complain that he couldn’t because superheroes aren’t real. Talk about getting your dreams crushed!! Poor kid! It took me back to when I was younger when all I ever wanted to be was an ice skater. I don’t know why because it’s not like I skated a lot. I then remember a phase when I wanted to be a tennis player but realised that, at 5’3”, I was far too short and since I could barely see over the net that it wasn’t going to happen. The same for air stewardess and model. Seriously...height is a pain when choosing a career haha!! 

Then Miss Twin chatted about being a teacher and I thought, “Hmmm, why don’t I do that too?” So I did and I absolutely love it. It’s such a special job educating children and supporting them to understand the world. In their eyes it’s all black or white and there are no grey areas. Take the ‘super hero’ talk. Yes there are no Spiderman, Superman etc but there are firemen, policemen, soldiers etc who all risk their lives and are heroes for putting their life at risk. 

That naivity is so cute and now I wouldn’t want to change my job for the world. I feel very fortunate to be able to make some people’s lives that little bit brighter. Oh and Miss Twin... she went into property haha!!

What did you want to be when you were growing up? Are you that now?

*photo from stock.xchg