Love - don't be a chicken.

[Source]

I do this thing, this thing where whenever I start to feel close I push away. It's not big and it's not clever. It certainly does not help my love life! I am not one to use the love word towards people easily. I find it difficult, not only to say it but to open up to people. Currently, I am in a complicated situation with Mr Canada and we're both playing chicken, wondering who will crack first. We are so similar it's painful sometimes. But I am starting to wonder if it's even worth it? I know you have to stick your chin out and accept it but where does that courage come from? Who helps you with it? It seems my life has been so unstable lately that this connection with him has deepened but we're both scared of it. We're happy but seem so determined to play it down. 

When you just want to be honest, how can you give yourself that extra push?

Good days, bad days and the inbetween.

As I have previously stated, accepting depression in my life has been one of the hardest things I have personally had to deal with. Since allowing that realisation into my life, I have slowed down my pace and began to look after myself more. I am still not quite able to relax from work and I am constantly dreaming about the place in my time off from there but at least I am away from it while I sort my head out.

Taking anti-depressants are exactly how your read about - living hell for the first few weeks. They made everything heightened. My stress and anxiety went through the roof. My hands would shake and appetite totally went. Reading up on the tablets, I seem to have had it easier than others which is definitely lucky! But it didn't make me feel any better about the constant drowsiness I was encountering alongside everything else.

On my good days I wake up and feel ready to tackle the day. I am not saying I am superwoman and ready to buzz about like I used to but I fee like I can deal. I complete small tasks about the house and go out. I am happy, I feel like things are going in the right direction.

Oh, but that's not allowed. Depression and anti-depressants taunt and the next day ... bam! It's a down day. What do my down days look like? Well, I wake early then doze till about 9. Then I lay in bed till 2pm, awake, but just unable to leave my bed. I lie and think of the things I need to and should be doing but I can't move regardless. Then I realise that I must get some food so drag myself out of bed, grab a bowl of cereal then take up residence on the sofa. Now what? Watch TV for an hour, turn it off and sleep until 6pm. Make a cup of tea, grab a quick bite to eat. Watch more TV then go to bed.

Keep going [Source]

Then there are the in between days. When I doze till mid-day, get up and potter about the house with the intentions of doing things. Watch TV and don't nap. Make myself a healthy dinner then later have a nice bubble bath. But still I am not able to get up and go out but i am happy with own co0mapny and my head isn't too foggy.

This is now coming up to my 4th week on the tablets and I am not so sure I am seeing much of change but I think that is partly due to how bad they set me back. I am persisting because I know these will help me and allow me to cope and work through my feelings. But my goodness, they sure don't make it easy!

Maybe  I should be using this time to look at changes? [Source]

Any advice how to stay positive during these tough times?   Find me: twitter/bloglovin/pinterest/instagram  

Chocolate Pie Recipe

This weekend I have been working a bit more on my blog and made links with the wonderful Neja. So I would like to introduce my new sidebar sponsor to Take All Chances. Talented Neja writes a blog which is jam packed full of amazing recipes. I am so pleased for her to share such a comfort food recipe for us all today - this would have been perfect for my lazy weekend! Good to have you!

___________________________________________________________________________________

My name is Neja, a Slovenian girl behind the blog You CAN have your cake and eat it too. I am a girl, who can turn wearing an apron into something cool. Food is my passion. I love to eat it, talk about it, photograph it! I cry when the recipe doesn't work! I am a passionate rambler, outloud thinker and a seeker of positive, beautiful things. I believe you CAN have your cake & eat it too!

The blog: I explore and try out recipes from other blogs, cooking sites and cooking books. My blog is mainly about food, but that's not all. I have a category named Neja's Milkshake, where I share my thoughts, videos, pics from trips and everything that's beautiful and positive.

Chocolate pie

Ingredients:
Pie crust:
600g of cookies (oreo, any kind)
100 g butter
Filling:
3/4 dl (75 ml) sugar
2 tbsp cornstarch
Pinch of salt
2 large egg yolks
3 1/2 dl (350 ml) milk
100 g dark chocolate (70%), chopped
15 g butter
1 tsp vanilla extract
3 dl (300 ml) heavy whipping cream
Cocoa powder, for dusting or milk chocolate, grated

The process:
Pie crust:
Heat oven to 150°C (300F). Mix cookies to fine crumbs in a food processor or blender. Melt the butter and mix with cookie crumbs until well combined. Place mixture in a pie dish (approx. 20 cm/8 inches) and press onto the bottom and up the sides. Bake for about 10 minutes then let cool.

Filling:
Whisk together sugar, cornstarch and salt in a saucepan. Lightly whisk together yolks and milk in a bowl and then pour into the saucepan. Put pan over moderate heat and stir until mixtures thickens.
Remove from heat and add chocolate, butter and vanilla. Stir until smooth. Let cool, stirring every now and then to prevent a skin from forming. Pour filling into prepared pie crust, whip cream and spoon on top of pie. Dust with some cocoa powder and sprinkle grated milk chocolate on top. Put in fridge, for about 4 hours or overnight.

You can find Neja on:
Twitter

Pinterest

Goggle+

You CanHave Your Cake and Eat it Too

Other posts you may like:

Me
Feel Better

Banana-Cacao Mousse

Day in the life of Neja No 2



 

___________________________________________________________________________________

Change is coming - Fall Fashion

It begins gradually, an extra layer, a pair of gloves, a scarf or colours mixing. Though these changes be small, we all know what's happening. Yep, fall is upon us! As I look out my window I can see the leaves on the trees starting to show the changes.

Personally, I love sunshine and Summer. I love not needing a jacket when I go out. I love feeling the sunshine on my skin. It is definitely my favourite season. But, there's something quite special about Autumn. It's that in between where we still get light and we don't feel so cold we think our skin is going to drop off. One of my favourite things about fall? Probably the fashion. 

I wanted to share some of the essential items I will be searching for this fall:

A hat
It covers a bad hair day, keeps the heat in and protects from the gusty wind that swirls around the UK!

Accessorize - £14 [Link]

I am loving this leopard trim beanie from Accessorize. And only £14 - it's on my list!

A leather skirt
I am still on this trend and still looking for the perfect skirt for me. Pair it with tights, sheer top, skyscraper heels and you have an outfit just for me!

River Island - £18 [Link]

I wouldn't mind this quilted skirt from River Island turning up on my doorstep.

A statement coat
I like to wear coats, which is a good job considering the amount of time I spend in one in good old Britain.

Oasis - £98 [Link]

This drape coat from Oasis says Autumn with just one look. Elegant and statement worthy.

Skinnies
No matter the weather, I can not and will not be torn away from my skinnies.

Rag and Bone -  $253 [Link]

These Rag and Bone skinny jeans are amazing and I love the zip detail!

Cosy Knitwear
Why do I love knitwear? It's oh so comfortable, it's casual but pair it with skinnies and heels and voila - hello night out! Also, it is the best to get layering with.

Next - £32 [Link]

I love this roll neck jumper from Next. Cosy and warm!

After more ideas? Check out the links below:

Glamour magazine - The DO's and Don'ts of Fall Fashion

Elle magazine - 50 Fall Editors' Favourite Pieces

Travel Time - NYC

I love travelling, there is something about going to new places which just makes me so happy. I have decided that I wanted to share some of the places I have been and some of the things which I loved doing while there. 

First stop - NYC

I have chosen New York City to start as it's my favourite place to visit and is the place where I will be come end of October for a much needed short break. My thought on NYC is that you either love it or hate it. No one can say, "It's just ok." 

So, a bit of a back story on this wonderful city. My love affair began when I was 20 - my brother chose to get married in Central Park. Myself and family made he trip out and when driving into the city I though, "Is this it?" I have to admit I wasn't totally taken, in fact I was slightly scared. This, as you know, did not last long at all. I stayed in the 30/30 (Now known as King and Grove after a short spell as Hotel LoLa). In my days in the city me and my family did the whole sight seeing thing and as I was immersed in the buildings I realised that my initial reaction was changing and changing fast. The big change for me was The Empire State building - this is where I cemented my love with NYC.
  What to do in the city?

Empire State Building

I would advise to pre-book tickets and if possible gain fast track, especially if you're going in the Summer or Christmas time. The views of the city are just unreal so I don' want to spoil it for you. It literally too my breath away when I first looked out. It is definitely somewhere which should be your number 1 site to visit. 

Madison Square Garden

 

If, like me, you're a hockey fan than catching a game at MSG is a must! Unfortunately for me I witnessed a loss but it was still amazing to be a part of. If you are wanting to catch a game, I can't stress enough that you need to pre-book!! If you expect to turn up and buy a ticket a couple days before or game day itself then you will be left extremely disappointed. Also, do not buy from those selling 'tickets' outside and around the venue. The possibility of being ripped off are higher than high. I actually met a couple who had been swindled and believe me, there are better ways to spend a few hundred dollars. If you can't get a ticket? Watching a game in a sports bar is another favourite of mine. You see the game close on big screens, the drinks are flowing and you're in a party atmosphere.

Brooklyn Bridge

This has to be another favourite of mine. Walking the Brooklyn Bridge. It is quite a walk so make sure you are well prepared! At midday, you will find office staff out power walking and running. You will also find lots of cyclists so please take note of the correct paths! I've walked into Brooklyn and also down to the area known as DUMBO. This area is where you can look over towards Manhattan and gain super views of the bridge. It also houses Grimaldi's pizza shop which is definitely worth a visit! Make sure to get there early as yes, people do queue.

Bars and Nightlife

 

If there is one thing NYC is not short of, it's places to drink and party! I have had some of my best nights out in Manhattan. This includes partying with boys in bands, after hour drinks with my favourite bartenders (friends of mine now), cocktails in a speak easy place as well as many different sports bars. A couple of places you should check out:

Death&Co - A place which takes their cocktails very seriously. If you're a vodka fan, like me, you have no choice as vodka is the spirit they don't use. The place is exclusive and the waiting list can be loooonnnnggggg. It only seats about 50 and you have to get past the doorman but it's cool place to see and I loved it.

230 Fifth - Again, it's an exclusive cocktail bar. You access it by riding a lift to the top of what looks like a business building. You come out into a large bar surrounded by floor to ceiling windows with views of the city. If you take he stairs up you then come out into an outdoor bar with views of the Empire State building and the rest of the city - lights all twinkling. If you're there in Winter? It doesn't matter - you get fetching red robes to keep you warm.

The Flying Puck - This is a hockey bar where the drinks flow and the games go. I love the vibe and met a good friend who worked there. It's a fun atmosphere on game days, normal days maybe not the p[lace to visit for a party.

There are, of course, so many more places but I will save those for another day. 

Have a head over to Travel Babbles where I am lucky enough to be featured by the fantastic Kym!       I hope you've enjoyed today's little glimpse into NYC - I have a lot more where this comes from for this city. Feel free to contact me with any questions about my travels.