Work has been a difficult adjustment. After being away for so many weeks, I am having to get used to the school routine, the work itself, the morning and the social side of things. I am back 3 full days for the next few weeks and then it will be reviewed.
One thing I have noticed, and not just exclusively to work, is that people are acting differently towards me. In school, those closest to me (in my year group phase) have been very distant. I have had my phase leader not even have a conversation with me at all since I returned just before Christmas. My teaching assistants have conversations with me when they support in class and that is all. Others around the school say hi and that's all. I have a couple of close friends there which keep me going but I just can't believe the way people behave.
I understand it is difficult to react when someone has been away for so long, especially when it is not common knowledge as to why I have been off. But surely a, "How you doing back? Are you settling in?" is not too much to ask. I find it alienating and making a difficult time even more difficult. One said to me, "You know, there's so much gone on while you're been off." Basically it felt like he was saying, you weren't here and you're not part of this. I know there have been words about me behind my back due to what I have seen or for example, the phone call I got yesterday regarding my hours next week. So and so said this to so and so who spoke to the office who spoke to ... blah blah blah. It was not true and I had not said it. Gossip.
I understand that with my problems I am more concerned about the views of others and I am more sensitive to comments but I don't really know any other way to feel, other than upset, to people not talking to me like they used to. I discussed this with my therapist and asked:
"What is wrong with people?"
Do they think I've just been swanning about, shopping and going for coffee while they all worked hard? Are they worried that I will get upset? Whatever the reasoning, surely a hi, hows it going being back is not hard to do.
It's not just work colleagues. A close person in my life has suddenly drifted away. He actually knows what has been wrong and now I feel like he has just abandoned me. I have dealt with it by just not forcing contact. This time is when I need to be looking after me. I can still help others but if it will be detrimental to me, I need to back away. I am nowhere near being myself. I have feel back into quite a hopeless feeling again with no positivity at all. I have no energy trying to make other people feel better talking to me or forcing friendships.
At the end of the day, that is their problem. I don't feel like everyone should be my nest friend, but just some respect would be nice. At this moment, being in work makes me miserable. Not a oh I don't like my job, and miserable, anxious, hopeless person.There are changes to be made but until I work on getting myself feeling more hopeful, these are nit changes that I can do.
I just wish those around me would respect and actually realise that their actions or lack of can upset someone and make them feel like they don't belong.
Have you ever been in a position when you just think, "What is wrong with people?" How did you deal?
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