Therapy - Take Two

Earlier this year I went to my first therapy session. I did not have a positive experience. Having studied Psychology and very nearly pursued a career in it, I had a fair idea of the process and I know how helpful it can be.

However, after two CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) sessions I realised it was not for me. This was partly due to the therapist themselves and also the fact that being told what to do does not suit me at all. I don't like being told what to and CBT really pushes those boundaries. 

So, I left it. Then, when I finally accepted my depression for what it was and after all other tests came back fine I decided it was time to look back into it. Instead of going through the local surgery to find a therapist, I found my own. When I went for my first session I was apprehensive to say the least. After all, the last time had been a difficult time (I managed 4 sessions). As soon as we both sat down and she talked, I knew straight away she was someone I was going to be comfortable with. 

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Not just her, the environment was warm and calming. The candles and essence were inviting and the room felt like a normal home. During the first session I discussed my past year and a half with her which brought her to tears. She discussed how she feels emotions and was trained in Humanistic therapy. If needed we could dip into CBT but that our sessions would be led by whatever comes up. 

I returned the following session, still full of nerves and talked away. We discussed many things and I have to say, as much as I felt comfortable, I avoided and brushed over certain things. Sharing is not my strong point! That's not to say those things won't be brought up at some point, some things just need time. But, I am pretty open with her. 

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I have now been visiting her for about 5 weeks and it is going really well. Being able to talk to an 'outsider' is nice and allows me to feel like I am not a burden to them. The nerves before the session have not gone and each week she challenges me and thought process. But it I am comfortable with her. Uncomfortable with the focus on myself sometimes but comfortable with her. I am not sure if this will be something that I continue for some time or whether I cut sessions less as I begin to feel brighter. But for now, it is definitely helping me in a little way and that's all that matters. 

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