I met up with a good friend not too long ago and along with our other girlfriends we had a lovely lunch. She was up visiting home and we all took the chance to have a proper catch up. This was especially important to us all as she announced the other week that she is pregnant. Yep, it’s started. My close friends are beginning to have children.
She is extremely happy about this but freely admits it wasn’t planned and she was freaked out at first. Not because she didn’t want kids but because she just didn’t think she was ready at this point in her life. We all chatted about our own expectations (in the way only girls can) and related back to what we thought we wanted when we were younger.
When I was about 15, I had my life plan mapped out:
- Married by 20 (with a huge dress- I blame Barbie for that one haha)
- First child by 22
- 3 kids
- To stay at home and look after my children
- Loving husband
- Be a nursery nurse
It was that simple. As you can tell, I was a very home focused person and very much focused on the idea of raising a family. Things however have not turned out like that, as I grew older my goals in life changed somewhat. I began to realise that yes, while I still want some of the above (I also have a girls baby name picked out haha), I also want more life experiences for myself before I begin to influence those of my own children.
I have places I want to travel to, things to see and I want to be selfish for a little bit longer. I don’t mean selfish in an awful way, just that I want to do what I want to. When I have kids that will be me saying that everything I do is for another person and I will be happy when that day comes. I am also very thankful that I am not married as some of the men in my past wouldn’t have been the most reliable husband material!
I still want the kids and the caring husband and the family but I also want to feel like I’ve excelled in my job and travelled some more. In my daily job I feel so happy that I get to influence the life of so many children who don’t exactly come from the happiest of homes and if I can make them smile and have an excitement to learn then I am happy. I think that has suppressed my want to have kids so young. I have 28 of them every day to look after!
I am so happy for her, as she is happy and I can’t wait to spoil her little one (I’m sure it will be a girl). I am going to continue just changing my mind back and forth one day at a time - I suck at trying to stick to schedules and deadlines anyway ...
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| {Via) |
Are you where you thought you would be when you were younger? Did you follow a life plan or just go with the flow?
13 comments:
Congratulations to your friend, it is scary when friends the same age start getting married and having children - it's already started for me and I'm only 22!
My life plan has changed too, but only in that I've ditched the "by age X" tag... when it happens, it happens and I have no intention on pinning myself down for things and possibly missing opportunities as a consequence.
I think teaching definitely changes your perspectives on these things - having 30 of someone else's children for most of the day is plenty enough right now! I couldn't imagine coming home to more just yet.
I've always felt life plans should be treated more like guidelines or goals; aspirations that should be fluid rather than concrete.
I'm 22 and a student, will be for about 2 more years. Am I where I thought I would be? Yes and no. For the most part I didn't make any major plans. With life I just sort of wing it...makes things more fun!
Your life hasn't gone exactly to plan and that is a good thing. As we grow, we change...and what we want at the age of 15 is not necessarily what we want at 16, 20, or 30 and beyond. Flexibility leads to happiness, and it seems as though you are very happy with the way your life has turned out.
@Summer- I agree with the whole age tag. Once you start with that you ca set unrealistic goals and then feel miserable if you don't succede. Sounds like you have your life plan just the way you want it too :-)
@Shane- Definitly, I am so pleased my life didn't follow what I wanted at 15!! I don't think I'd have been satisfied. I like the idea of seeing them as guidelines. At the end of the day we're fickle creatures and always changing what we want (even more so when some people get what they want).
Funny, I think I had the same timeline as you, mainly because those were the ages my mom did things.
We got married at 28 and first kiddo at 30, which worked perfectly for us. I think the best marriages happen to those that have lived out some of their dreams first before being 'locked in' to a family too early. Fewer 'what ifs' if many of those have already been explored. However, fertility issues after 35 is a reality. So it is all a balance.
Just my two cents :) XOL
I know how you feel - I started experiencing this the past couple of years - all my friends getting married and settling down. It's definitely weird bc I don't feel like we are "that old" yet, and I am in a completely different place in my life. I'm nowhere near getting married or building a family, and I'm not going to lie it can sometimes get you down when you feel like everyone around you IS doing that. But one thing I have learned is that I am ok with not being at that stage. I am enjoying my independent life, and focusing on building my career and am in NO rush to settle down. We should never compare our lives to others bc everyone has a different definition of happiness and success. Also, life just doesnt go to plan - you can make all the plans you want and chances are at some point they will get upset. That's just life. And it's ok! Sometimes you just need to live life rather than worry about planning it out, and embrace the inherent chaos of life. You might as well, rather than fight it, because you can't control it!
I never really had a plan of what I wanted to do and I never really imagined how my future would be. I'm not one for making definite plans and any I had thought of didn't really follow a traditional family focused path if I'm honest.
It is only in the last couple of years, that I have been with my boyfriend and actually thought about settling down but I totally agree with you about wanting more life experiences. I still feel like a kid myself lol I'm definitely not ready to take care of a baby!
I hate to tell you this, but you are going to die alone in a house full of cats... or not. I don't know. I'm not a fortune teller... or am I? ;P
@ HH- Yea, I think that's what it was. The change in lifestyle also accounts for it. I think a lot of people had the same plan!
@Kim- You know what, it really isn't getting me down. I kinda feel lucky I'm not having to deal with morgages haha!! Yep, definitly enjoy the indpendence while you can.
@Hahah!! I too feel like a big kid. I have a friend who is 33 and people keep asking ehr when she'll settle down and she's juts like 'leave me alone!'. She still wants to have some fun being a little selfish!
@El Grande- I think that has crossed every single womans mind at some point or another. It wont be me as I don't really like cats. You're not very good at teling people's fortunes!
I didn't say the cats were yours.
I use to have a life plan...haha, now, it is very go with the flow. I wanted to be married and have one or two kids right now........I think there are things that I am interested and plan on accomplishing, but it's really impossible for me to have a mapped out plan like I had planned on 5 or 10 years ago. EEK, when did I turn 25??!
@El Grande- That sounds right...I feel sorry for myself already!
@KY- Especially with your lifestyle, any plans are hard to stick to!! I know, I turn 26 next week...what?! How?!
It could be that you die a very happy woman with many children and a loving husband, but you happen to be in a house full of cats and you die of fear because the cats are putting together a fruit man sculpture.
Never thought about that one, did you? ;)
I didn't...until now! I'm slowly going off cats.
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