When you don't know what is wrong... what do you do?

I'm going to be honest today with you all and this may take some time so stick with me. This past year I have had health issues, major life stresses and a family bereavemnet. To say my life has been difficult is an understatemnt but I was strong and I made it through.

I am now having to find a different type of strength. As I have discussed previously on my blog, I suffered with a number of viruses, anaemia, sinus issues and to top it all off tonsillitis. It sounds a lot and let me tell you, it really was. I even visited a therapist. It wiped me out and I kept going and going. Looking back now I should have had some time out. My body was practically screaming at me to stop and take stock but I kept pushing.

Through this time I began to suffer major fatigue. Not just feeling tired, it was like walking through thick mud. My memory went, my sleep patterns were just no more. I was lucky to get 2 hours uninterrupted sleep a night (which had been going on from last year). I was having blood tests time and time again which eventually showed my iron levels were improving - they weren't great but the were just under the low end of normal so from where I was this was a massive improvement.

Being a teacher I was thrilled for my summer holidays to have started. This was it, this would be my time to pick myself up and get better but that didn't happen.

And relax! [Source]

Throughout the summer I have had good days, bad days and days which just pass in a blur. Let me explain. The fatigue I suffer from is exhausting, I wake up and I can't get out of bed. I lay and try and try but I just can't move. When I do, I can't do much before having to rest again. I have a fog which hangs around me, I sit transfixed by nothing, unable to motivate myself. I wouldn't say I am sad, I just don't feel happy. It's like things pass me by and I can't join in. Things I need to do just don't get done or they take me days.

Thank you ... [source]

My latest visit to the doctor ended up with me breaking down. We have established that my iron is not low enough to be causing this fatigue and I told her I was just going to get on with it (my usual reaction). Her response surprised me, "I am not happy letting you leave here and me at your age dealing with what you're dealing with to just get on with it. I need to figure out how to help."

Why was I shocked? Because I am used to people just accepting what I say and leaving me be. I know she's a professional but at that point I cried... cried because I felt she cared, cried because I knew at that point she was really going to try and help me.

In past visits she has discussed the possibility of me suffering Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. This if you don't know is a debilitating condition which is primarily linked to fatigue. This session, like past she also discussed the possibility of depression. Again, something we have discussed. I reminded her that I didn't have anything to be depressed about particularly. She said after the year or so I have had I need to be less hard on myself and that sometimes it is just a chemical in balance.

We really don't know. So as this posts, I will have been to a second doctor. She has chosen a specific doctor for me to visit for a second opinion to make sure she isn't missing anything and to give us a fresh take on things. For now, I really don't know what to do. The whole situation is somewhat frustrating and something which I want to solve. I am pretty sure she is leaning more towards the depression side of things but it just is not clear.

Now this hasn't been prescribed yet...

So here I am. At the age of 28 - suffering from some issue which can not be pinpointed and it sucks. I spent time last week trying to deal with this and I don't know if can. I am not sure what decisions to make or which road to go down. I find petty problems others have difficult because all I want to shout is 'Who cares?'.... I just want to be better and I don't know how to do it!! Times like this make me feel like a crap friend. But I can truly say that the doctor not taking my 'I'm fine' response seriously was the first time that has happened and secretly... I wish my friends would do that more. See through all the walls I build and just be there for me.

[Source]

Have you suffered from depression or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? Or have you ever been ill and not know what was wrong?

Survival

It has been a long time coming but I am finally on the mend. I have spent a week literally on bed rest and sofa time but it is starting to pay off and I am now beginning to realise how unwell I have been now I am feeling better. This morning I was advised (and signed off) by the doctor for another week to get fully better. My stomach was in knots thinking about informing work that I wont be in. As I've stated in previous posts, I am a little bit of a workaholic and the idea of not being in the workplace makes it difficult due to lacking control.

I have finally made the decision after the past couple months that I need to look after myself, something I am not very good at. More often than not I am too concerned with everyone else that I put myself second.

The need to give often outweighs.... [Source]

After doctors, calling work and sending in my sick note I came home and went to bed - 3 hours after leaving it. It was that moment when I realised that I was not doing the wrong thing. I awoke 4 hours later, still unable to move myself out of bed so I did what any sick person does. I lay in bed, surfing Pinterest. I stumbled across something which made some things extremely clear:

Survive... [Source]

The pressure we put on ourselves, in our daily life to be perfect sometimes takes the focus away from ourselves. In my job I always urge the kids to "Focus on yourselves" and I know this is not something which I have practised myself. The guilt which I have felt for not being in work was immense but now I am seeing things clear I have realised that I have done the right thing for sure. I am surviving and this is something I forgot to do after the challenges of the past year. I lost myself. It's time I find me again and begin surviving and then living.

Have you ever had that 'Eureka' moment when you realise that you haven't been taking care of yourself?

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I think I'm Wonder Woman...

Friday brought a day of relief. After a few months of being unwell and having to deal with sever exhaustion on a daily basis, I was finally given some sort of answer. I received the results to my blood tests, which was met by an, "Oh no..." by my Doctor. As you can imagine, this is not the words you want to hear before results.

In my panic I let out a nervous laugh and asked if my results were missing. She then explained they were there and that I was anaemic. She continued to explain that my iron levels (8- normal level is 14 and 8 is the level where you are considered for possible transfusion) were severely low and that she doesn't know how I managed to have got out of bed on mornings lately, let alone go to work everyday and teach. It also was some sort of explanation as to why I have been catching every illness and suffering from prolonged sinusitis.

This has led me to the conclusion that I am indeed 'Wonder Woman'. What else would explain my ability to push through this?I also have a WW mug. Ok, so I may be over-reacting but I am beginning to realise I am a lot stronger than I ever thought I was.

Each day lately, has been a struggle and I have found myself clawing to the end of the day. When teaching children this has been so difficult but I have not wanted to take time off. The tiredness has hit me from the moment I awake to the moment I go to bed. I am not even sure I can fully explain it, in fact when telling people I have felt like I was making it up and sounding just plain lazy. This is obviously not the case and one that has been proven today. 

This has been me: morning, noon and night for the past couple months! [Source]

I am now in possession of a number of iron supplement tablets to take to increase my levels then I will be back to the doctor for follow up blood samples to check it's all improved. In the meantime, I will continue to think I am Wonder Woman... but maybe one who should slow down and rest up a bit. 
       

Have you ever suffered from anaemia? Did you find anything else to help as well as tablets?

My new best friends...

I have acquired some friends from the 'Germ' family unfortunately. They appear to enjoy hanging out with me much to my lack of happiness at this. I have been unwell for a good 7 weeks with a chest infection and cough which seemed to be finally passing into a simple cold. Well two weeks later and my new little friends have well and truly taken up residence in my head and body. 

"Just wanted to say hi..."

What do they like to do? Well, at 4am this morning they decided it would be fun to bounce around my head. I like to think I'm pretty tough, and I normally handle illness quite well, but this time round I am starting to struggle.

After two lots of antibiotics at the end of last year and various over the counter tablets, I can not seem to shake these little pests. It would appear they like my body and will be difficult to get rid of. So, until then I will be feeling sorry for myself and trying to freeze out the germs and hope they take the hint.

Do you have any natural remedies to share with me?