When you don't know what is wrong... what do you do?

I'm going to be honest today with you all and this may take some time so stick with me. This past year I have had health issues, major life stresses and a family bereavemnet. To say my life has been difficult is an understatemnt but I was strong and I made it through.

I am now having to find a different type of strength. As I have discussed previously on my blog, I suffered with a number of viruses, anaemia, sinus issues and to top it all off tonsillitis. It sounds a lot and let me tell you, it really was. I even visited a therapist. It wiped me out and I kept going and going. Looking back now I should have had some time out. My body was practically screaming at me to stop and take stock but I kept pushing.

Through this time I began to suffer major fatigue. Not just feeling tired, it was like walking through thick mud. My memory went, my sleep patterns were just no more. I was lucky to get 2 hours uninterrupted sleep a night (which had been going on from last year). I was having blood tests time and time again which eventually showed my iron levels were improving - they weren't great but the were just under the low end of normal so from where I was this was a massive improvement.

Being a teacher I was thrilled for my summer holidays to have started. This was it, this would be my time to pick myself up and get better but that didn't happen.

And relax! [Source]

Throughout the summer I have had good days, bad days and days which just pass in a blur. Let me explain. The fatigue I suffer from is exhausting, I wake up and I can't get out of bed. I lay and try and try but I just can't move. When I do, I can't do much before having to rest again. I have a fog which hangs around me, I sit transfixed by nothing, unable to motivate myself. I wouldn't say I am sad, I just don't feel happy. It's like things pass me by and I can't join in. Things I need to do just don't get done or they take me days.

Thank you ... [source]

My latest visit to the doctor ended up with me breaking down. We have established that my iron is not low enough to be causing this fatigue and I told her I was just going to get on with it (my usual reaction). Her response surprised me, "I am not happy letting you leave here and me at your age dealing with what you're dealing with to just get on with it. I need to figure out how to help."

Why was I shocked? Because I am used to people just accepting what I say and leaving me be. I know she's a professional but at that point I cried... cried because I felt she cared, cried because I knew at that point she was really going to try and help me.

In past visits she has discussed the possibility of me suffering Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. This if you don't know is a debilitating condition which is primarily linked to fatigue. This session, like past she also discussed the possibility of depression. Again, something we have discussed. I reminded her that I didn't have anything to be depressed about particularly. She said after the year or so I have had I need to be less hard on myself and that sometimes it is just a chemical in balance.

We really don't know. So as this posts, I will have been to a second doctor. She has chosen a specific doctor for me to visit for a second opinion to make sure she isn't missing anything and to give us a fresh take on things. For now, I really don't know what to do. The whole situation is somewhat frustrating and something which I want to solve. I am pretty sure she is leaning more towards the depression side of things but it just is not clear.

Now this hasn't been prescribed yet...

So here I am. At the age of 28 - suffering from some issue which can not be pinpointed and it sucks. I spent time last week trying to deal with this and I don't know if can. I am not sure what decisions to make or which road to go down. I find petty problems others have difficult because all I want to shout is 'Who cares?'.... I just want to be better and I don't know how to do it!! Times like this make me feel like a crap friend. But I can truly say that the doctor not taking my 'I'm fine' response seriously was the first time that has happened and secretly... I wish my friends would do that more. See through all the walls I build and just be there for me.

[Source]

Have you suffered from depression or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? Or have you ever been ill and not know what was wrong?

Misery loves company...

It is no secret that I have faced some tough moments in my life in the past year. It is also no secret that I have found these stressful and difficult. I have tried hard to deal with the grief and considering the other things in my life (job, moving home and illness) I feel I have handled it well.

The problem is now that I have manged to pass the tears, I have another hurdle to overcome. The waves of sadness. By pretending I am fine, I have managed to trick some around me into thinking that I am indeed fine when in reality the thoughts and emotions inside of me are very difficult to comprehend. After a number of visits to the doctor regarding chronic viruses, chest infections and exhaustion I have finally decided that I need to accept the extra help she is offering by way of speaking to someone.

If all else fails it can give me some rest time.. [Source]

This is something which she has been talking about for a couple months now and each time I have told her I am fine and that it wasn't necessary at all. But lately, the more exhausted I get mentally and physically, the more I think I need to make a change. I can recognise there is a problem and believe that surely this is the point where I have to accept the help. I would do a dis-service to myself refusing and trying to work through things alone when it really isn't happening.

Given the extra life stresses I have on top of things, I am doing pretty well. But now I finding days where I just struggle to find motivation to just get through the day. When there is a problem, there is always a solution. That is something I know to be true so why should I discount one of the possible solutions? 
   

Have you ever been to counselling or therapy? How did it help you?

Doctor, doctor...

It's a new year and so far it hasn't treated me as well as I hoped. Being ill just makes me feel a little off kilter and not ready to see the possibilities of the new year.Also, Dr Google has correctly (obviously, everything is the truth on the Internet) diagnosed me with both sinusitis, glandular fever and flu. Who needs a real life doctor?

You can always get an appointment with Dr Google... {source}

I am however planning a few changes in my life and in the blog sense. It wont be the layout because I quite like the look I have but there will be a few new things for you all. I know I've been rather up and down posting this past few months but I'm ready to blog it out again. 

I want to say a big thank you to those readers who have came back and started to join me on my journey once again. That and your lovely comments are very much appreciated and put a smile on my face! 

Please tell me I am not the only one to have turned to Dr Google for advice?