Starting to phase.

Next week I am beginning to phase back into the work environment after 10 weeks away with depression and anxiety. All I can say about it, is that I'm terrified. I have this image in my mind (and in my dreams) that I will fail disastrously with the return. I have felt high anxiety since knowing I was going back two weeks ago and I can't calm it (without prescription meds at least).

I am not scared of the teaching, that I can do standing on my head. I am also sure that the kids are going to be happy to see me back in the classroom. I can only imagine how happy their faces are going to be when I open the door on Monday morning. Being with my class again is something I am looking forward to that's for sure!

I am scared of the teacher 'responsibilities' that are there every day after the teaching side is done. I can do all the things but what scares me is that I will burn myself out once again trying to do all these things. Between thinking about what I've missed and need to catch up with as well as thinking about what is coming is heightening my anxiety quite a lot. However, with all my tablets and sedatives to help sleep I am feeling rather numb to the panic. I have another lot of Valium just to keep with me in case I do need help calming my body down.

Also, the staff at school is an issue for me. I don't like being the center of attention and I know that everyone will be asking how I am and what was wrong etc etc. I don't want this - I just want to slip back in and get on with things. As well, I am cautious as to whether people care or are just curious. In schools the staff dynamic is a funny one and everyone likes to know everything. I don't want to be the 'everything'. 

All I can do is try to stay calm and know that I am good at my job and hopefully once I am back everything will fall back into place. Fingers crossed.

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Sponsered Post: Campus Book Rentals

Today is my first sponsored post, and it is something which I think will help many. It supports those in education and since I teach, education is something which is very important to me.

How does it work?

Being a teacher, I know just how expensive education can be. From the moment kids start school, all the way to University, money goes flying out the window. Today's post is in relation with Campus Book Rentals. They are a company which supports students through college by helping them with textbook renting. There are many perks of the company such as:

-Saving 40-90% off of bookstore prices
-Free shipping both ways
-Being allowed to highlight in the textbooks
-Flexible renting periods
-Donations to Operation Smile with each textbook rented

Their service RentBack is a brand new service which is now available to students. It is where students are able to rent their textbooks to other students and make a profit.

If that isn't good enough, they also work with Operation Smile. This is an international children's medical charity which heals children's smiles. They provide safe and reconstructive surgery for children born with facial deformities such as cleft lip and cleft palette. Every child has the right to safe and high quality surgical care. This is what Operation Smile does, it brings smiles to children's faces and that is something which I think every child deserves - to smile. 

If like me, you are wary of Internet sites, check out the following link which has reviews of Campus Book Rentals on various Internet and news sites :

Reviews

So if you or someone you know is starting or even continuing studies, check out Campus Book Rentals and hopefully your education will be a little smoother the next academic year. 

What did you do to help yourself through college?  

*Disclosure: This is a sponsered post and information comes from Campus Book Rentals*

Work/life balance...

I have now been back to teaching for 3 glorious weeks...and it feels like I've been working non-stop for 3 months. My summer was exactly what I needed, an adventure of a life time. I began to find beauty in life and what was around me again. Something which I had began to lose throughout the year. However, all that energy and positivity is seeming to flow away from me.

Why? Well life is kinda getting in the way. If any of you bloggers are or know teachers then this will not come as a surprise. My working days have been averaging 17 hours. Yep, you read that right, 17! I have been up till 1am most mornings and back in work for 8. For the beginning of the term, the workload has been increasingly intense. I have stepped back a few times to look at the big picture thinking there must be something which could be done differently, more efficient perhaps but I keep drawing a blank.

My daily teaching life consists of teaching (28 children) all day, marking the books from the lessons taught in that day and then preparing a range of resources. On top of that I have a mountain of paperwork and two subjects to co-ordinate. The work itself is not too difficult, I just don't have enough time in the day for it all! 

I have also found myself in charge of a year group, which I am excited about, however I am working with a newly qualified teacher who is not seeming to be too great. This means that my workload is doubling as I have been needing to take on some of his planning as well as running the year group. 

With that in mind, I have found my 'life' side of the scales drastically becoming lighter and lighter! And when I do have the free time I find my body is just so tired. I am hoping that this is just the beginning of a new term madness and that things will settle.

At this moment in time, something needs to give somewhere because surely this is not the life to live?

"Have regular hours for work and play; make each day both useful and pleasant, and prove that you understand the worth of time by employing it well. Then youth will be delightful, old age will bring few regrets, and life become a beautiful success."

                                                                                                      

 Louisa May Alcott 'Little Women'

Any advice from you fabulous bloggers of how best to manage my commitments to work but still have a life are definitely welcome!