Guest Blog Post- Find the joy...

Today I have a guest blog post from an amazing and strong woman - Momma ST.J. She has had many a things to deal with in her daily life but also she has had to deal with the news her Father is dying. In her post she is frank and explains how she manages to stay happy. Personally, I find her inspiring and hope you can take something away from her strength and braveness too.

___________________________________________________________________________

Let me start off by saying thank you to the beautiful Missy, for allowing me to step into her blogging world for a day.

My name is Erin, better known as MommaStJ,
and I write over at Momma St.J Says.

Today I want to share with you something my mother always says to me whenever I'm being a Debbie Downer-

"life sucks, then you die."
(weren't expecting that were you?)

It always make me stop and think.

Walking around with a Life Sucks attitude isn't good for anyone,

Especially when life does really suck.

No matter what sucky situation I am put in I am a firm believer in finding the Joy.

And I will be the first person to tell you,

It ain't easy!

First instinct tells me to run to the nearest Walmart, spend my paycheck on carbs and he-done-her-wrong flicks, and waste my life away in a cocoon of self pity.

You know what I mean? yes, you do.

To be honest, that's exactly how I handled any bad time in my life up until Christmas 2008.

Macncheese, PS I Love you, and zero conversation with my husband.

I will never forget the day that my parents sat me down and told me that my father was going to die.

He told me matter-of-factly that his muscles were going to waste away, he would lose his ability to speak and eat, and if the doctors were right, within 5 years he would be dead.

He was 47 at the time.

ALS, Lou Gherigs Disease, which has no treatment, no cure, was going to kill my father.

The emotions I went through the weeks following his diagnosis were radical.

I was up, down, left, right, crazy, subdued.

Ultimately I came back to

Life sucks, then you die.

and decided that the only way to get through this journey was to
find the Joy. every. single. day.

When I look back on how I reacted to the petty things that were so trivial,

I am embarrassed.

It took death to shake me from my immaturity and say

Hey, I'm ALIVE and there is JOY to be found!

There is Joy in the fact that my dad was able to be here for the birth of his first grandchild;

He is still able to communicate to us using text to speech programs on his MAC;

He was able to celebrate 25 years married to my mom;

He has the most positive outlook on his situation, and is at peace with where he is.

I won't lie to you and say the past 3 years have been easy.

I won't tell you that it doesn't break my heart that I haven't heard my dads voice in almost two years.

I won't tell you I didn't hate God when my dad made whatever grunts he could when he was holding my newborn daughter, his first grandbaby, as though he was talking to her. 

I won't tell you its easy eating in front of a man who is fed by a tube.

I won't tell you that learning how to care for my dad as he is now on a ventilator and is nearly bedridden is something I can do with strength.

I'm not superhuman.
The life-sucks-then-you-die bug is constantly flying around my head.

These are a few things that help me wave that flyswatter...

• Reality TV. Not so much reality, but so mindless it's comforting.

• Frugal Finds.
  This is my ultimate drug. $7 clearance Gap jeans? I'm flying high for at least 3 days.
• Ben and Jerry's American Dream.
  Do I finish off a pint in one sitting? Yes. No. But I don't lock myself in my bedroom while diving in.
  I sit with my husband and tell him how much I'm going to regret it in the morning.
• Planning Events.
  Surprise parties, 5Ks, birthday parties, showers. I can't think back to a time since I was married that I wasn't waist deep in decorations and menus.

Sometimes it's just the little things.

Here's what I want you to take away from this debbie-downer-on-happy-pills post,

There is Joy to be found everywhere you look.

Our finances are in shambles, but guess what,
I just got a free coupon for shampoo!
I put on 5lbs and my pants don’t fit,
but I get to go shopping!
I can’t make it to my best friends wedding,
but I can send her a box full of gifts and things to make her smile!
I didn’t get into that college,
looks like that campus just wasn’t good enough for me!
My dad is dying from ALS, but he ISN’T dead YET! 

I encourage you to Find the Joy in every situation in your life where you want to curl up and disappear from the world.
Hold your fly swatter high and come down on the life-sucks-then-you-die bug with force!

Come visit me at Momma St.J Says every Friday, to see how I am Finding the Joy.


______________________________________________________

Don't forget, if you would like to guest blog please feel free to email me at:

takeallchances {at} gmail {dot} com

Tell me what you would like to share with my readers and I am sure we can organise a post.

Staying positive...

Since returning from my travels, I feel a lot more positive about what I want from life and those around me. I have realised a lot of this will happen through hard work teamed with positivity. After all, if you're feeling negative about something whether you feel like you don't deserve it or it's too hard etc, you will find it extremely difficult to succeed!

At the moment I seem to have become poorly which is making my ability to stay positive very difficult. I feel like crap therefore my mood is slipping to match it.I am trying so very hard though to stay positive and prepare well for the new school term starting. This got me to thinking how to keep the new found positivity so obviously I turned to my best friend...Google!!

Here are some of my favourite ways to stay positive:

- Whenever you respond to a situation make sure you feel calm. If not, pretty much the only response you will have is a negative one. Calm down first.

- Talk to a positive friend who can encourage you.

- Remember your favorite quotes as these can give you motivation and encouragement.

- Slow down. The more you rush about the more anxiety you feel which inevitably leads to feeling stressed and negative.

- Be yourself. Make sure you are happy in yourself and this will radiate positivity and confidence.

I very rarely share photos which involve me but it felt right for this post. On one of our stops on my travels, we went to an Apple Pie Bakery/Restaurant in Canada. Many went to eat but me and Miss Aussie were feeling cooped up after being on the bus and had far too much energy therefore we decided to just run around, take photos with the animals on the golf course (yea...I have no idea what this place is but it had a giant apple haha) and basically act like kids. We just didn't care and were happy to just be silly. At this moment we both felt positive and happy and it's a nice moment to remember.

Oh so happy...

I know some sound cheesy and pretty easy to do but when we start feeling negative it's amazing how fast we lose control over our emotions. I for one will be trying to remember some of these once I get back to work!!

What do you do to stay positive?

Quote of the day Monday...

Today's quote was inspired after a conversation myself and Miss Aussie were having regarding love. We both said how we can have it all when it comes to love. Contrary to people's beliefs that you are never able to find a whole package kinda person, we believe you can. You can find someone who is always loving, always nice, always makes you laugh and yes, sometimes things may not be perfect but sometimes you have to see imperfection in things to find the perfection. As with ourselves, I bet we can all name a couple of things which we know we're not great at doing or sharing and quite frankly I myself know that sometimes I'm just not my best. What we have to do though is believe that we are worth someone amazing, even with our faults and that to find someone who can accept the bad is just as important as someone who can accept the good in us. This is when Miss Aussie quoted the great Miss Monroe and I decided there and then this would be today's quote.

Since my return I have not been blogging too much except from my picture posts from USA and Canada leg of my tours. I feel more like normal and less jet lagged now so will be back properly. 

If you have a quote you feel you would like to share and have me feature from you then please email me at:

takeallchances(at)gmail(dot)com

Nice to meet you Canada...

After spending the week feeling extremely jet-lagged, I am ready to share the second leg of my adventures...

After Pittsburgh we headed to the Canadian border at Niagara. Here seemed to be a moment when the whole group seemed to bond as one girl had some Visa problems, in the fact she didn't have something she knew she needed. This caused the whole lot of us to be turned around back to the American border. It was then a long, long 2 hour wait to get back to the border, a piece of paper stamped and then return back to Canada. To say it was stressful is an understatement. However, we got through thankfully.

That meant one thing...Niagara Falls time!!! I was in complete awe at this place, the place of Niagara was like some cheap rent Disneyland and the Falls were these spectacular waterfalls. Talk about chalk and cheese. My group went on the Maid of the Mist tour which was pretty fantastic! The sights up close were just amazing and there were rainbows which were so close you would think you could touch them.

If it wasn't enough to be so lucky to be up close to the Falls, I also overcame a huge fear and went on a helicopter over the falls. Now it's not that I'm scared of flying because I really don't mind it, but in a small little helicopter? That's a totally different story. But, thanks to Miss Aussie I went along and saw some truly amazing sights!!!

After a pretty good night out in Niagara, we headed towards Toronto. I liked this city but just couldn't quite feel the vibe. I really enjoyed going up the CN tower and also braved the glass floor part!Maybe it's the type of place you have to stay longer to appreciate it? I did like the place and we had a couple of nights there to sample the nightlife which was good too haha!!!

Also in Toronto there was the fabulous place which is Hockey Hall of Fame!! Now if you've read my blog from the beginning you will know that hockey is by far my most favourite sport so going here was the most exciting thing!

From Toronto we rolled on to Ottawa. I loved this place. It was a lot smaller than the previous cities and had a nice little vibe about it. We spent time wandering the shops, seeing Parliament and soaking up the city. I would like to go back there for a couple of days as it seemed like a really nice place to be.

After a more calm time in Ottawa, we headed towards Montreal. I had a few mixed feelings about Montreal due to personal reasons however the city won me over. It had old town, new town, shopping, great nightlife, fancy bars and nice people. It was also here where I did a jet boat ride, unaware that it involved riding into rapids!! Yes, we were hit by huge wave after wave!! It was an adventure to say the least....

My final stop before the end ind NYC was Boston. We all crossed the border and headed to Boston for more fun times. The city of Boston is really nice and definitely somewhere I would quite like to spend another couple of days at. Also, the people in Boston were very friendly. It will also be a special place as it is home to Fenway Park which is where I was lucky enough to see my first baseball game!!! I saw Red Sox play Tampa Bay Rays. They kinda sucked in the game but I didn't care as it was just fun to start enjoying a new sport!

All in all, I am so pleased I had the nerve to go and do something as fantastic as this. There are so many more places yet to see but this is a good start!!!

To finish off I thought I'd share some random photos and songs which are special to the adventure...

The morning song- We had this played every morning....

Played while entering Pittsburgh but hilariously blasted out as we managed to finally make it into Canada!

Myself and Miss Aussie were having a kinda Adele love fest on this trip and this was a favourite of mine.

I have returned...

I have returned from my adventures and still feel a little jet lagged and tired. Hope you all enjoyed the posts while I was away, I will read and look at all your comments soon!!

Now for my trip, what can I say about it? The words life changing come to mind. Before I went away I thought I was happy and fine and content but after this trip I realise that in fact I was rather lost. There were a number of things in my life which just weren't working and until I removed myself from it all I had not been able to see things clearly.

On my 2nd day of the trip I found myself sitting next to Miss Aussie. We chatted and got along well...fast forward near 3 weeks later and we are best friends. In previous posts I have spoken about people coming into your life for a reason and she is one of those people. From that 2nd day we both realised that we needed each other in our lives to help figure things out. We were both at a bit of a stuck point in our life and were able to coax out the way to move on for each other. I can not verbalise well enough how amazing she was for me. I have began to look at things in different ways and identify the changes to make. Obviously she lives in Australia and I in England but it's ok, that wont stop us from staying friends (also gives us great reasons to visit UK and Australia). 

The trip itself also opened my eyes to so many different places, people and events in history. I was standing in Gettyysburg battle field just in awe at the fact that I was so lucky to be there and learn about the important history which took place there. This is just one of the things which I felt grateful for being able to see. I overcame fears when I took a helicopter ride over Niagra Falls. I had intellectual conversations with local French Candians in Montreal and realised how nice it is when men treat you with repsect. I went to my first ball game (Go Red Sox!) in Boston. I partied in DC and visited Arlington Cemetary. I could go on. All these experiences and more have made me feel like I need to see more and do more in my life. I always wanted to but felt somewhat anxious but now I realise that it's fine. 

Finally, not only did I meet a soulmate I also made a lot of other great friends. I talked to people from different countries and learnt about new things. I also figured out that my accent is damn hard to understand and vodka coke is not a common drink in the states. In Canada I had two bar staff exclaim that they'd never made that drink before!! So I like to think I taught people some new things too haha!

There is more in my mind still swirling after this trip but I just can't find all the words yet. I'm trying to process all the things which I have discovered and found out about myself. I am just extrmeley proud of myself that I took such a big step to do this. 

Now I know you've been reading this thinking, "Just share some pictures," so here are a very, very small amount of photos for you all.

Consider this post as Part 1. I have so many photos and will share the Canada and Boston leg of the trip soon!!! As TexaGermaNadian can attest, I have many many photos and some of which are not blog worthy haha!!!

Quote of the day Monday...

Guest Blog: I am happy when...

Today I'd like to introduce guest blogger Kristina. Enjoy her post and I hope you will stop by her blog to see the rest of her fabulous writing!!

______________________________________________________

Hello Hello! 

First off - Thank You to Missy for having me come spend the lovely day with you! 

I'm Kristina!  My little area of the blog world is A Perfect Dose of Life.

I share this little space of the Internet with my husband, our 2 dogs and 3 cats.

I'm a wife, entrepreneur, Taurus, business fanatic,  twitter lover, etsy shop owner, and a lover of life.

My blog is pretty much exactly as the little describes.  Life and all that surrounds it - life, love, business, lessons, adventures, my weekly quote of the week.

Life at my blog is pretty simple really, and it's really quite a lot of fun! :) 

Today I am going to share with you - what makes me happy :)

Who doesn't love being happy?!

When Missy suggested the topic to me, I thought it was a fabulous idea.

And I got to thinking... there are all kinds of superficial easy things that make me happy.

Like, playing ball with my dogs, a cold glass of ice tea {unsweetened of course} on a hot summer day, a lovely coffee from Starbucks (white chocolate mocha or my absolute seasonal favorite - pumpkin spice latte), having friends of family over for dinner, surprises {the good kind!}, going to business networking business meetings with other business owners, making connections & helping one another, etc.

But what are things that really make me happy, outside of those basic things?

How about having fresh cut, vibrant colored flowers, where the light beams off of them in the kitchen window.

Or,

The moment my husband walks into the door from a long day of work with the look of defeat thanks to traffic and work stress, then he sees me, and that look loosens.

So, I kept going with this thought process, and came up with a bit more, deeper things:

- The days I wake up, set an entire day of goals, that long dreaded list and really no real desire to get it all done, and a hint of doubt that I really can - then that sense of accomplishment when it's completed.

- Hot days, when the warm rain blankets my skin, without the shock of the cold, but that warm embracing rain.

- Hiking that long mountain trail to reach the top, where you can see for miles, of the endless beauty of this world.

-The evenings where I take the dogs out before bed, and the sky is clear, all the stars shining down, then I take those next moments to be still, just soak up the world, and be still.

- Autumn. My favorite season of the year, the vibrant colors of the season the oranges and yellows, the crunching of the leaves, and the need for just a light jacket.

And when it's the end of the day, and I creep over to my husband, tucking myself under his left arm, into the groove of his arm and his body, where I fit perfectly.

These are some of the things that make me happy.

What makes YOU Happy?  

I'd love to hear! :)
___________________________________________
 

Thank you Kristina

What makes me happy? When my nieces and nephews smile! 

Crying doesn't work...

I was reading an article the other day which discussed a study in which woman were monitored to see if crying actually helped lighten their mood. It basically states that out of 97 woman who kept diaries to monitor their feelings and when they cried, 1004 crying moments were recorded. Out of these, only 1/3 resulted in an improved mood.

It goes on to state that social networking is the way to feel better and that crying is only more likely to make you feel better if another person is there. Why? Well, he believes it is because they give you support and make other people focus on your problems. The good old shoulder to cry on eh?

So what this study recommends is to cry, in the presence of another person to feel better or just not to cry at all. Why not more than one? Rottenberg believes that this could spark feelings of shame.We wouldn't want that now, would we?

First of all, before I give my opinion on whether crying helps, I must draw attention to the 97 woman group. Surely this is not the best number in order to generalise results? I personally believe that crying does help you feel better. Maybe only short term but I view it as being needed to rebalance myself and get all the sadness out. In the words of Conor Oberst:

"Your eyes must do some raining if you're ever gonna grow..."

I suppose it didn't help Alice too much...she nearly got her head cut off.

Does crying make you feel better or do you have another go to strategy?

Quote of the day Monday...

At this moment I will be somewhere in Canada, possibly travelling to a new destination, partying,seeing new sights or sleeping ...I don't know( I can't figure out time differences in advance) so when I was thinking of a quote for today I thought what better than to have a travel quote.

A good friend of mine, Mr Music, loves the author Jack Kerouac. For years and years he has told me to read 'On the Road'. I trust him that it's a good book but I just never felt the time was right to read it. But now... that time is here. I have taken it away with me to read and I hope it makes me feel even more inspired. Therefore today's quote is from Jack Kerouac. I also hope my trust in him is well deserved...I'm sure it will. After all he is the one to introduce me to so many new bands which I just love.

When deciding whether to go away over the Summer alone I did spend a lot of time wondering whether it was the 'right'  thing to do. It may seem that it's not a huge thing, but for me, to do something by myself was a big step. I thought about the people I would let down when I said I couldn't go away with them or those who wondered if I was stupid to go alone (even though I would be with a group). I reached the point where I thought-'I don't care'. I didn't mean this in a selfish and mean way, I just thought for once I should put my wants first. If I want to do something I should do it now while I can. After some chats with Miss Twin I felt more confident that people would be happy for me and see it as the opportunity it was...a very special one.

So while this quote is here now, I will be having fun, learning new things and above all I will be happy!

Enjoy the quote!