I have now been on my anti-depressant medication for just over 4 weeks now. It feels so normal, like I've always woke up, popped a pill and got on with my day. But it's not. After having a 'moment' at work where everything was just too much my doctor signed me off work. It was something I have fought since February, all this time I have avoided it and thought I was exhausted but now I accept it. Even my doctor said how stubborn I am, yep that's me alright.
I began taking sertraline, which is an SSRI (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor) medication,which basically works to increase the amount of serotonin in my brain. Serotonin, the happy chemical, is something which I am lacking and it could be caused by a number of issues - most likely due to the stress and heartbreak of last year.
As I said, due to my stubbornness it has taken months to get to this point. When I looked at the side effects of the drug I laughed, yes - out loud, as there were so many it seemed ridiculous. But I trusted me doctor, she's fantastic and I knew I had to start making a change. The first week on the tablets was hell- my anxiety (just another issue for good measure) kicked up a notch or hundred! I was wired but at the same time so, so tired. I felt like I was carrying around weights all day and cold not stop yawning, like those yawns when you have travelled or not slept except I had it from waking to sleep. In fact, yawning was listed as a side effect.
 |
| If only! [Source] |
The second week that continued, as the did the shaking. As the day progressed my hands would start to shake more and more. I wouldn't say it was hugely noticeable to others but if I was trying to write or do anything tricky then it was difficult. I was emotional and anxious and I began to wonder if it was worth putting myself through it. The Monday of the 3rd week I went into work and before the kids had even came in I had a panic attack and was in my head teacher's office in floods of tears. She made the decision to send me home and told me to take time off. At the time I was like a child, "No, I'll be fine. I just need a minute. I don't want to go home!" I sobbed. Looking back it was probably one of my lowest points and deep down I knew, I knew I needed time but I fought it. I did not want to give up, thanks to such an amazing head teacher and doctor I realised that it was not giving up. It was making a positive step in the right direction.
 |
| Do it for you, no one else [Source] |
Without the stress and anxiety of work I began to relax a bit more. As I worked through my 3rd and 4th week I began to see the slightest of improvements. The most annoying thing is that my sleeping pattern just went crazy and I was suffering insomnia. So I got back to my nytol the past couple nights just to get back into a pattern. This is now my 5th week and I have upped from 50mg to 100mg. I anticipated some problems and I have upped quite soon because I don't want to deal with the problems while I am away. However, it seems like the only side effect I have back is the shaking and now an annoying, lingering headache. It could be worse.
I am beginning to feel a little more clear headed and less emotional which is great. I am still struggling with the motivation and when I over think my anxiety hits me like a wave. Anything which worries me or is not expected makes me worked up and trying to calm myself is something which I will be working on for the future.
All in all, I am pleased I have persevered as I think this will be good for me. I am aware that there is still a stigma which comes with the words 'depression' and 'anti-depressants', so much so that I haven't told many people at all what I am going through - although that's not the only reason. My doctor said that most people don 't get through two weeks on these tablets, let alone work for the first two weeks so I think I'm doing pretty good. One day at a time.
 |
| You are lovely. [Source] |
Keep positive even when things get tough, show those around you love today.
No comments:
Post a Comment