Well this is my life right now. I've alluded to relationships many a times on this blog but never really explained myself. Basically, my Mr Past arrived back in my life last year and has never left. We've had 'vacations' from one another both on his terms and my terms, we've had arguments from my side and his and we've had lots of good communication.
The big problem however? We're in two different places, living two different lives. We have spoken many a times about what went wrong - both agreeing on bad timing. We met due to his work (sports), he returned home about 2 months later. At the time we both agreed to not get attached and we understood that it was be a short term thing. Only problem being is that it is clear we both forgot our own advice.
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| Just one of many thoughts about past ... |
We had a break of about a year when he returned home and inevitably went to another town in the US to play and I was back home. But, as these things come full circle, we ended up back in contact. It has now been over a year since we have reconnected and I feel like I am stuck.
Stuck in this fake long distance relationship. One where we are in regular contact, support one another and help each other to stay positive. I am very careful though to keep things 'friends' knowing that we're so far away.This is sometimes a lot harder than I ever imagined.
Many a times I have decided that the only way things can get better between us is to cut contact. I worry that it will be destructive for me as well as him in the long run. Every time I try this, it's as if my heart stops me. My mind is a strong thing but it appears my heart is even stronger and pulls me away from what I believe to be sanity.
It sounds like a situation and quite frankly I think it is. I don't want to be stuck in this place of uncertainty where I feel like I am just fun for Mr Past and sometimes I feel like I am one of the most important people to him. Needless to say, with everything else going on in my life lately this desicion making has been on the back burner. Now I am beginning to feel stronger, I need to act here and solve this.
What to do? How to deal with this without causing pain to myself or him? Let's hope I can use my strength to finally deal with this and find a solution.
3 comments:
That is an almost impossible situation... I've had a long distance relationship, but before that we lived near each other. We drifted apart and finally I called it quits. But that pull, that connection -- it can be overwhelming I know.
I have never been strong enough to be the first person to push the other away...even when I knew it wasn't working out.
I guess my only advice would be to start something new that doesn't involve him in any way--a new hobby or interest. Don't talk about it with him at all. Just don't bring it up. Then you'll have a little bit of your life that is just yours. Maybe that will help you see what you really want.
@ One Mommy - You are very true, it's trying to get past that connection which is th hardest part.
@ Jill - I think this blog helps a lot, this year has been such a difficult time that I haven't made time for myself. This doesn't help. I am just trying to distance myself and hope that he pushes away. Great advice - I shall start a new hobby :-)
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