If you've read a lot of my blog posts, then you will notice that I am a big lyrics and quotes fan. When I listen to music, I like nothing better than to listen to the words and let the music (initially) come second. One song on their album had a line which, at this time in my life just shouted out to me:
"When we were younger
We thought everyone was on our side
Then we grew a little."
The Lumineers - Flowers In Your Hair
When we're younger, everything is 'hidden', 'kept secret' or 'pushed to the side' to protect us. Kids are sheltered from many a things which is why they see things as black or white, they don't see the shades of grey which as an adult, we become overwhelmed with on some days.
I recall everyone having my back. Friends were friends, family had your back and no-one (except maybe your teacher) was going to go against you. As I grew older, the rose tinted glasses became clearer and the world became greyer. I began to not only see but also feel where the pain and hurt was around me. It was then I began to realise that not everyone was worthy of my time and patience. Some people will do anything to get what, who and where the want. These people most certainly are not on our sides. What is the age you reach when you realise this? When you start to be an adult and having to do some fending for yourself? It's subjective really, each individual has so many varied life experiences at different times in there life that we can never say you 'grow up' at x age. As soon as we begin to grow a little, the cracks appear and people drift.
"So then we grew a little and knew a lot."
The Lumineers - Flowers In Your Hair
This is the point we realise that not everyone is on our side. But it is not until, for the most part of us, that we realise that there is hurt out there we'd never imagine having to go through. How do we deal with it when we have always been looked out for? Well, I have learnt that those people didn't just 'have my back', they taught me how to be strong, how to feel, how to empathise, how to be a better person so that when I did grow I had a good spirit in me. They may not physically have my back but the effect on me is there to see.
When I was younger, if I hadn't been surrounded by these people I know I would have been a very different person to who I am today. I am using that spirit to keep going as if all those from when I was younger still had my back. In role reversal I am there to do the same for my nephew, who has had the trauma of losing his father at 18. He is too old for me to shield him from things and push things to one side. Therefore I will do the next best thing and be there for him. I'm on his side and I dread the person who will try to hurt that boy. He is not only my nephew but a little brother to me from the way we have grown up together.
I will always be on his side, whether he grows more or not. After all, my big brother - as well as older siblings still with me - was and always will be on my side irregardless of where he is now.
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