Today was the burying of my brother's ashes. I felt prepared for the small service and arrived feeling somewhat ok. However, it all became a little surreal... is it wrong to say that I felt detached from the whole thing? I am not a religious person per se but I do believe that there is something there after death. I would guess you wold say I am spiritual.
As I stood listening to the words, all I could think was how much I missed him and how much I just wanted him to be there. However, I did not feel any emotional attachment to the box of ashes. It seemed so empty and I felt so empty.
The day he died, I remember the sun shining so brightly as I sat outside the hospital alone. It felt like it was him saying he was ok now. The day of his funeral there was bright sunshine, again it was like some communication. Today though, we had dull grey clouds, were standing in snow and then snow began towards the end of the service. I guess I felt disappointed, I looked for sunshine and found none.
It's all such a strange process, in the past I have lost Grandparents but this loss is something which I can't describe or explain. Every day it is getting a little easier, but I am scared he will be forgotten and I try everything to keep him with me.
Today was not a final goodbye, it was a formality. I have not said goodbye and never will, it's more a see you later.
6 comments:
Wonderful Said!
xoxo HUGS!
Thank you Lisa :-) It means a lot. x
I'm just dipping back into the blog scene, and ran across your post.. I don't know what happened, but I'm so sorry you've lost your brother. I think there is something after this life - I'm not sure what exactly - but I think you'll be "hearing" from your brother more often than you think. I read a quote the other day that someone posted - "Never. We never lose our loved ones. They accompany us; they don't disappear from our lives. We are merely in different rooms."
Thank you for sharing this post.
I can't believe I didn't see this post until now? I think snow is as wonderful as sunshine and Craig chose to show himself through a natural appearance which is rather common for the time of the year! I think snow flakes are happy flakes because just like sunshine they can touch and reach any part of you!
You know that you and no one in your family will ever forget Craig and what he meant to all of you! Don't be scared, you won't lose any part of him anymore from here on out! Which in a way, is a soothing thought, nothing of what you have with him and about him right now can ever be taken from you anymore!
xxx
@Joyful Sparrow - Thank you for such kindness. It has been a tough time but somehow I am starting to feel stronger.
@Shellsea- you're more than welcome.
@Reb - You are so very true. For some reason my mind did not think like it that day. We will always remember him... forever and ever :-) Thank you for such daily support. It means more than you know! x x
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