Part of me...

Lately I  have had a lot of thoughts about friendships and relationships. I have had some people around me who I feel have let me down and others who have surprised me in the way in which they have supported me. It got me to thinking how much of ourselves do we give to those around us?

While in NYC I visited a tarot reader (a little guilty pleasure of mine) who declared that in relationships I am a giver, I give everything to others and those people take and very rarely give back. She also stated this was true of friendships which, as much as I take them with a pinch of salt, I agreed with her. I have plans but someone needs something - they're dropped, I have somewhere to go but someone calls asking for help- plans change etc etc. How much do I, or should I, do this for people in my life.

Seriously...step off me...

When it comes to relationships, I work so hard to be caring and kind and then it hits the point where the other person does not give back to me. Is there actual truth in the saying killing with kindness? Am I too kind and caring? Of course, this could also be down to the people I choose to be in relationships with. At the end of the day, we all have that choice. I have gone for the arrogant, closed off men who inevitably end up being closed off towards me. Maybe I've answered my own question? I don't know, it's hard to get out of ruts, especially when the heart is involved. In general though, I think I need to start investing time in me. It's fine to give some part of yourself but your actual self? Nope, I need to hold onto me and remember that it's the one thing noone can take away from me. In the words of Miss Perry,

 "But you're not gonna break my soul. This is the part of me that you're never gonna ever take away from me, no."

 

I invest time in everyone else thinking that it's needed when in actual fact, I, myself, need to be looked after and sometimes you gotta rely on yourself for that. This is not in a selfish way but I need to start showing people that I am not going to drop everything for them when they don't show that same respect to me when I need them and their help. In life you get what you give and I need to stop giving and getting nothing back. After a while this just gets tiring and I think everyone can relate to the doormat feeling. It's something which will be hard for me but maybe today I should start looking at me. Those toxic relationships and friendships around me need to be quarantined for some time.

How about you, have you ever felt like you were in an unbalanced friendship/relationship? What did you do about it?